The other day I was having a conversation with a friend. We were both discussing what we can do to better our relationships (romantic and platonic). We discovered that we are not putting 100% effort into certain parts of our relationships, for whatever reason, and we wanted to fix it!
So anyway, my wheels got to turning. Given the fact that I have a background in Social Work and also spend my time researching anything human behavior related I started to counsel myself. I began to think about the origin of the problem, the intensity, the ways in which my birth order plays a part in my behavior. I mean I really tried to understand what the heck is the problem here. After all this introspection, I discovered a lot about myself.
I will be the first to admit that I AM SELFISH! I love being selfish. I love making sure that I am going to be okay mentally, physically, emotionally, and financially before making any moves. I also encourage others to be just as selfish. Why? Because if you have a good and pure heart, after being completely selfish with yourself, your selfishness and love for yourself will pour into other areas of your life and others will be blessed by your selfishness. So yes I am super selfish. It was already aligned for me to be that way. Being the first born and only child, I was destined to be a self centered, independent, analytical, and a goal driven person. 🙂
I have found that because I come from a pretty spoiled background. Basically always getting want I wanted and needed. I expected that same standard of care in my relationships (platonic and romantic).
Side Note: Being a Social Worker, its a habit of mine to find strengths in ALL situations. The worst situations, I will try to find a positive because that is how I have been trained. However, I am not oblivious to the fact that all situations have weaknesses attached to them.
I have found for me that being selfish has caused me to develop ways of living that are not healthy. Due to the fact that I am use to having things go my way for the most part (from birth), at times when I was faced with disappointment, hurt, anger, and pain, or any negative situation, I would build a wall so I would not have to feel that pain again. I taught myself early that I did not like the way those negative emotions made me feel, so I developed unhealthy coping mechanisms to deal with the pain. 28 years worth of walls have been built.
Now that I am older, I am breaking walls and chains and I am not allowing what I been through to stop me from being who I am meant to be, getting what I deserve, and allowing past pain to alter my attitude any longer. I am knocking those walls down, one wall at a time. I am no longer allowing those walls to box me in.
What walls are blocking you in? Keeping you trapped? Not allowing you to grow? What walls are you going to knock down so that you can be who you are meant to be? In your relationship? Professionally? Financially? What walls will you commit to knocking down today?
Suggestions For Knocking Down Walls
- Reflect on your life. Identify themes in your life that contribute to the walls that have been built.
- Evaluate your relationship. Look at all your close and strained relationships. Write down the strengths and weakness of those relationships.
- Be honest with yourself. What part did you play in the strained relationship?
- Be honest with others. If you know you played a part in the rocky relationship APOLOGIZE. Apologize for the part that you played being okay with the fact that the other party will not offer you an apology in return. That’s okay. Apologizing is for you not them.
- Talk to someone about your issues. A professional if you feel its needed.
- Forgive yourself. Change is constant and will not happen over night.
Until next time……
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