“Mom, when you yell at me I feel like you hate me.”
“Son, you know I love you, I show you and tell you every day”
“When you yell, I forget about all of that”
This conversation that I had with my son changed my life forever. My son shared this with me as he was going to visit his father for the weekend. His as a matter of fact statement, crushed my whole world for a second and he had no idea. Then he left me for 56 hours to meditate on the fact that he feels like I hate him when I yell at him.
While meditating, I realized I do yell. I yell when
- I repeat myself too many times
- I’m frustrated with his level of performance in certain areas
At that moment I asked myself, “How can I change this habit that I created?” And my little voice responded, “Just Wait”.
Yall, those 2 words have been the answers to my prayers “Just Wait”.
When Zyaire returned, I began my own personal experiment. Every time Zyaire would do something that would once cause me to respond with a yell, I WAITED. In the morning, with him taking forever, I didn’t yell. I WAITED. Some days I got him up a little earlier to prevent me from having to want to yell. Shoes not tied, I WAITED, it’s okay when he 17 wearing sneakers with straps he knows why. It was reading time, and I tried to get him to engage about the book. Well my son looks away as if he was not interested. The old mommy would have told him off, but nope I WAITED and looked at him, he looked at me and I told him to continue reading. 10 minutes later he was ready to talk about what I proposed 10 minutes ago and I was ready to listen. Homework time, I WAIT. Although I still get frustrated, I am not attaching myself to it any more. I no longer allow that frustration to cause me to yell and scream. I notice it, tell it “I feel you emotion but you won’t move me”, and allow myself to be present.
What I have learned by “Just Waiting” is that
- The situation is never that serious.
- If you feel a yell or scream coming on, its okay to stop, count to 10 or walk away. The conversation can always be revisited later.
- Patience is a virtue.
Most importantly, just waiting helped me to realize, on a deeper level, that I am the adult and he is the child. And if I don’t allow people on the outside to get me that upset, I have to have the same boundary and offer that same respect to my son. I have to show him what respect looks like so that he can expect respect. I have to show him how to respond respectfully even when frustrated.
I am so thankful that my son was able to teach me such a valuable lesson.
Are there any lessons that you children have taught you? I want to know. Email me
Until next time………..
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