Attachment vs. Detachment

Attachment- 1. the condition of being attached to something or someone 2. Affection or sympathy for someone or something. 3. An affectionate relationship between two people

VS

Detachment- 1. the state of being objective; not influenced by emotions 2. the action or process of separation 3. The lack of interest, concern, sympathy to worldly concerns 4. Freedom from bias of prejudice

I got real familiar with “The Law of Detachment” a couple of years ago. About 4 years ago, I was in a relationship with someone who was not in a relationship with me. I really liked this dude a lot and he showed me and told me he loved me but would not commit. The reason he said he would not commit was because of fear and other bull crap. 40 year old man making excuses. Anyway, I allowed him to play that game for almost two years. After a while, I knew he would never commit to me but I stayed around because I enjoyed what I considered a friendship. This was the first time I had to practice detachment in a relationship. I always get what I want but not this time. Although that relationship ultimately ended, I was happy to grow through such an experience. This allowed me to move different in my relationships and other areas of my life.

Imagine if we were taught, from the beginning, that instead of us supposedly living to find our soul mate and build a family we were taught that we should focus solely on ourselves, making sure that we are completely whole before we even thinking about attaching ourselves to anyone. We are taught so early to attach, that we never really were able to understand the beauty that their is in being detached.

Can you think of a time where you reacted to a situation negatively because you were attached to an outcome that did not happen? Being ATTACHED to outcomes can cause us to miss out on opportunities that flexibility brings us.

How many times have we seen people hurt, damage, and kill themselves or others in the name of love? Being ATTACHED to people can cause us to act in negative ways if the attachment is unhealthy.

How many times have we stayed in a friendship longer than necessary? Because we are ATTACHED to what they were to us in the past or ATTACHED to the idea of what they could be.

Imagine if we were taught detachment in the grieving process. From birth we form all types of relationships starting with our parents. What if from birth we were told that the relationships we have with people are temporary. Don’t get attached. They could be here today and gone tomorrow. I think understanding this concept would make the process of grieving easier. I also believe that more people would get their roses while they are alive and not when they are 6 feet under.

You know how many people have committed suicide, suffer from severe nervous breakdowns and can no longer function in society because they can’t deal with the loss of a person. Being too attached is unhealthy.

If your sense of security or feeling of power depends on someone or something in your life then you are attached to that person or thing and it is a chain that binds you and keep you stuck.

DETACH!

How many of us have been involved in some sort of conflict due to attachment?

DETACH!

Detachment is healthy. Detachment is needed. Detachment is reality. Detachment is life. Nothing or no one should own you!

If you need any support, guidance, advice email me

If you would like to hear my view on any topic. email me

goddessdiary27@gmail.com

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Knock Down Walls

The other day I was having a conversation with a friend. We were both discussing what we can do to better our relationships (romantic and platonic). We discovered that we are not putting 100% effort into certain parts of our relationships, for whatever reason, and we wanted to fix it!

So anyway, my wheels got to turning. Given the fact that I have a background in Social Work and also spend my time researching anything human behavior related I started to counsel myself. I began to think about the origin of the problem, the intensity, the ways in which my birth order plays a part in my behavior. I mean I really tried to understand what the heck is the problem here. After all this introspection, I discovered a lot about myself.

I will be the first to admit that I AM SELFISH! I love being selfish. I love making sure that I am going to be okay mentally, physically, emotionally, and financially before making any moves. I also encourage others to be just as selfish. Why? Because if you have a good and pure heart, after being completely selfish with yourself, your selfishness and love for yourself will pour into other areas of your life and others will be blessed by your selfishness. So yes I am super selfish. It was already aligned for me to be that way. Being the first born and only child, I was destined to be a self centered, independent, analytical, and a goal driven person. 🙂

I have found that because I come from a pretty spoiled background. Basically always getting want I wanted and needed. I expected that same standard of care in my relationships (platonic and romantic).

Side Note: Being a Social Worker, its a habit of mine to find strengths in ALL situations. The worst situations, I will try to find a positive because that is how I have been trained. However, I am not oblivious to the fact that all situations have weaknesses attached to them.

I have found for me that being selfish has caused me to develop ways of living that are not healthy. Due to the fact that I am use to having things go my way for the most part (from birth), at times when I was faced with disappointment, hurt, anger, and pain, or any negative situation, I would build a wall so I would not have to feel that pain again. I taught myself early that I did not like the way those negative emotions made me feel, so I developed unhealthy coping mechanisms to deal with the pain. 28 years worth of walls have been built.

Now that I am older, I am breaking walls and chains and I am not allowing what I been through to stop me from being who I am meant to be, getting what I deserve, and allowing past pain to alter my attitude any longer. I am knocking those walls down, one wall at a time. I am no longer allowing those walls to box me in.

What walls are blocking you in? Keeping you trapped? Not allowing you to grow? What walls are you going to knock down so that you can be who you are meant to be? In your relationship? Professionally? Financially? What walls will you commit to knocking down today?

Suggestions For Knocking Down Walls

  1. Reflect on your life. Identify themes in your life that contribute to the walls that have been built.
  2. Evaluate your relationship. Look at all your close and strained relationships. Write down the strengths and weakness of those relationships.
  3. Be honest with yourself. What part did you play in the strained relationship?
  4. Be honest with others. If you know you played a part in the rocky relationship APOLOGIZE. Apologize for the part that you played being okay with the fact that the other party will not offer you an apology in return. That’s okay. Apologizing is for you not them.
  5. Talk to someone about your issues. A professional if you feel its needed.
  6. Forgive yourself. Change is constant and will not happen over night.

Until next time……

 

*If their are any topics you would like discussed email me @goddessdiary27@gmail.com

*If you have any issues/challenges you need support with email me  @goddessdiary27@gmail.com. I am here for you!

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April is Financial Literacy Month

In honor of it being “Financial Literacy Month”, I thought it would be appropriate to break my silence by discussing finances.

Disclaimer: I try my best not to discuss subjects that I have not experienced personally, seen with my eyes, or read and interpreted with my mind.

Now that that’s out the way, I will share with you what I found to be important in my 29 years of living as it pertains to finances

  1. Budget A tool used to track your income and expenses. I live by my budget. I want everyone who is reading this to go out and buy a composition book right now and start your budget today! Let me help you get started. Open your composition book and write down all of your monthly bills. Next to your bills write the due date, balance, and interest rate. On the following pages right down your pay dates for the next 3 months. Under each pay date, list which bill is scheduled to be paid with that check. This will help you to better get a handle on your finances. For Example: I get paid April 15 and April 30 this month. Under April 15, I would put cell phone and the amount being as though my cell phone is due on the 16th. Under April 30, I would put mortgage because as we know rent/mortgage is due on the first.
  2. Pay Yourself First  The Golden Rule in my family has always been to save 10% of your income. Now 10% may seem a little steep for some. Some weeks 10% is too much for myself. So start small. 1%, 3%, 5%, is enough to get you started. The point is to get in the habit of saving for a rainy day. Get in the habit of not spending everything that you earn. Doing this also helps you to create the habit of preparing for the future.
  3. Pay Off Your Debt Credit Cards, Car Loans, School Loans, Cell Phones! Pay it off! Whatever it is PAY IT OFF. If you want to start with the debt that has the highest interest rate or start with the lower balance, Look over your situation and figure out what works best for you!
  4. Take Advantage of DCA Accounts-  What’s that you say? Well its an account that employers offer that helps to offset childcare expenses. The money is taken out of your account before taxes. Its a beautiful thing. Inquire with your employer for more information
  5. You Deserve A Cushion  Cushion – “What if I lost my job today money?” If you are living from pay check to pay check. Its time to create better habits that ensure that your cushion is FAT! What if you lost your job today, how comfortable would you be? Review your budget real quick. Look at 1 full month of bills and total them. How comfortable would you be if you lost your job tomorrow? Those in the financial realm would say that people should have 3-6 months of savings in their account in case of an emergency. I have read in some articles that 12 months worth of savings is sufficient. It really all depends on how comfortable you would like to be if an emergency were to arise.
  6. Think 1,3,5 Years Increments Think about where you would like to financially within the next 5 years. What salary would you like to make? How much money would you like to have saved? What major purchases do you plan on buying in the future? See kids in your future? What you think about you bring about. Just think first!

Here are some terms that I am now familiarizing myself as well. If your interested in taking your finances to the next level research (Google, YouTube, Books) the following the following terms/names

  • IRA (Roth/Traditional)
  • Compound Interest
  • Personal Finances for Dummies (Book)
  • Warren Buffet Interviews (Youtube)
  • The Budgetnista (YouTube)

If there are any tips regarding finances that you have learned please share with us. Any books you would like to recommend, please share!

Until next time…..

Mental Health in Black America!

Before I begin, let me start with a few facts.

13.2% of the population identifies as Black or African American. That is about 45.7 million people. In 2013, 16% of 45.7 million African American people had diagnosable mental illnesses, which totals about 6.8 million people.

(Let me note that these #’s are not totally accurate and are just estimates. The #s are actually greater due to the fact that not all people report to census or have been properly diagnosed.)

Mental Illness in the African American community is a subject that I am very interested in. To me, it is very intriguing. It’s funny because at first, I myself stayed away from the topic. I never really took the time to figure out what mental health and mental illness means to me. I guess even myself has associated mental illness with a negative definition. After working in the field for 5 years, I have defined mental illness as a distorted way of thinking stemming from a lack of opportunity and a result of trauma which is expressed verbally or non-verbally in the actions of a person.

I am not one to link myself with lablels which is why I probably stayed away from “mental illness” and the labels associated with the disease.However, now I believe that it is how you define the “labels” given to you, that matters the most. Now that I have a deeper understanding of mental illness and no longer link the diagnosis with negativity, I am open to the literature that is out there regarding mental illness and how it affects African Americans and I want to educate my peers, the youth, and elders in my community so they can become more comfortable with the disease and seek treatment.

There are 5 different categories to think about when we discuss a healthy and whole person.

There is physical, emotional, financial, spiritual, and MENTAL health. If any of these 5 areas are out of balance, it messes everything up. However, I have noticed that the mental health of a person is not really focused on. Mental health in my opinion is one of the most important areas of focus along with spiritual because we become what we think about the most. That’s a fact! So

if your mind is filled with clutter and negative thoughts, it’s recognized by what you produce in the world. It is important to know the more trauma and pain you experience in your life or that you witness in the life of others, it affects your mental health.

African Americans experience more trauma and violent crimes than any other race in America. African Americans mental health is at risk and we must take a personal responsibility to save ourselves emotionally, physically, financially, spiritually, and MENTALLY.

Let’s get serious about our mental health and get open about the treatment available to us!

What’s keeping you focused?

Hello!
How is everyone feeling? Well, I am doing great. I have been asking God to guide my words, so I apologize if my post are not as frequent as some might expect.

Anyways, if you have not realized, I am a firm believer in that, “What you think about, you create!” However, when I was younger, the thought never crossed my mind. I would literally allow anything to occupy my thoughts. My thoughts definitely were not focused. I mean at the time, I was focused on what 99% of the world was focused on like whatever is popping in the entertainment world, social media, and clubbing. Oh and I cannot forget looking nice.
However, the Goddess has switched her focus. The only thing I am worried about nowadays are bettering my present and planning my future. I actually researched how to create a successful life. Not only do I want to live the research, I want to teach it as well. To me, it’s only right. So anyway, after doing my research, I found that successful people focus on certain areas in their life to make success happen.

One article that I read states that there are 7 areas people should focus on which are:
Finances
Business/Career
Health/Fitness
Personal
Relationships
Spiritual
Contribution

My main man Les Brown keeps it simple and says:
Personal
Career
Contribution
are the 3 areas in which individuals should focus to become successful.

I know the categories are pretty self-explanatory, however, let me explain each one.

Finances
In America, I feel this is one of the most important topics to focus on. Having money is a definite way to achieve success. In this area, you should know how much money you make and how much you want to make.

Business/Career
This area focuses on, how you are going to earn the amount of money you stated above. If you want to make $100,000 and you currently making $30,000 a year, you have to really focus on this area. You want new job? Do you want to start your own business? Already have a career & want to up to management? You may be fine in this area as of now. If so, start thinking about where you want to be in the next 5 years and then work towards that.

Health/Fitness
What goals do you have in this area? Want to lose weight? Quit smoking? Workout 3xs a week. Whatever it is, write it down and focus on it!

Personal
What personal goals do you have? Do you want to take a class or learn a new language? Learn a new skill? Return to school? What personal goals do you have that you know would make you happy and complete if you accomplished them.

Relationships
Want to get married? Was it placed in your heart to develop and/or strengthen the relationships that you have with a certain family member or friend? In this area, think about relationships that require more work and work towards strengthening them.

Spiritual
Are you a Christian and want to attend church more? Always thought about becoming a leader in the spiritual community? Want to restore your faith? Have you been curious about other religions and practices? Focus.

Contribution
In my opinion, this may be one of the most important areas. If you are honest with yourself, you know that we were all put on this earth to serve each other. Every business created has been made to service a need or want that the people has. So now I ask, what will you contribute? How will you serve others? In what ways can you donate your time? When was the last time you volunteered? What gifts do you have to give? I personally believe that you will not be able to receive if you do not give anything. Giving is FREE!

I believe that it is very important to think about these areas of your life every day. Get a notebook solely dedicated to the life you want to live, and write something DAILY in one or all areas of your life. Then focus on them. Read these statements EVERY DAY. Believe in them. Write some goals and then document the progress you have made toward the goals created. By focusing on these areas, you will be surprised at how your mind begins to think and work.
Hey good people! By the way, have you noticed that gossiping, watching television, and being on Facebook all day are not what successful people do.
Talk to you all later. Please leave a comment and provide some sort of feedback. It is all greatly appreciated.
-Nette the Goddess

“I have the POWER”

One day I woke up and I was feeling absolutely fabulous. I woke up early, my son was in a good mood and I declared that, that day, would be a good day.

Well you know as soon as you make a declaration LIFE start testing you.

1. When I got to work, there was no parking

2. Supervision with my boss sucked

3. There was no company vehicle, so i had to catch the bus & it was raining

I mean everything that could go wrong, did indeed go wrong. And I began to notice something. I noticed that with every situation that came my way, I allowed it to alter my mood.

I went from having a good day to a bad day all because of people and the situations that I faced daily. I began to notice that I did not like that about myself and I’m making the decision to change it. I can’t believe that I, Ms. Positivity, would allow people and situations I cannot control allow me to go from happy to sad or mad to glad.

I have a disagreement with my boss. I’m mad.

Someone doesn’t come through on a promise. I’m dissappointed and mad.

The bus is late. Now I’m irked.

So one day after listening to one of the many motivational videos on “You Are Creators” Youtube Channel (check them out!) a question crept in my mind.

What if you were who you say you are no matter what happens to you?

Haa there ever been a time where you allowed someone to disturb your peace, mess up your mood? I mean really just destroyed your whole day.

If you answered yes to any of these questions. Now I ask, Why? Why do we allow people and situations  to bring us down or make us happy?  What would the world be like if we relied solely on ourselves for complete happiness and stability? How would our interactions be if we did not rely on others to provide us with the fundamentals  we are already suppose to have?

So Anyways I developed my own personal action plan to help me in changing this characteristic about myself.

First Step:

“I have the Power”

I wrote this down every where. My work clip board, index cards that I placed in my wallet, in my car. I mean literally everywhere.

Writing things down is like setting it in stone. It is your way of sending a message to the universe. Pen & paper. It is the only way!

Step 2:

I meditate on it all day. I think about it all day. By writing “I have the Power” on everything and looking at it all the time, every now and then, I hear my little voice say while I am completing my task for the day. “I have the power.”

My little voice then gets creative and states: “And no one can take that from you.”

The message:

You have everything you need. No one or situation has the power to alter your mood unless you give it to them. We can no longer use other people and situations on the outside to allow us to ACT or REACT a certain way.

“We have the POWER & lets be us CONSISTENTLY”-the goddess

 

What do you believe?

As I stated before, your thoughts are definitely important in the process of creating your life. However, there is a concept that is as equally important as having focused thoughts, and that is believing in them.

“What you think about in your mind and believe in your heart, you will produce in your reality.”

Its that simple.

If you truly think and believe  with all your heart that you are beautiful no matter what size you are, then you are. If you think and believe that you are the best writer, singer, athlete, doctor, whatever in the world, then you are that. Who can tell you different? And if you aren’t where you want to be, having those positive thoughts will help you get there.

But wait, you also have the power to think and believe in thoughts which serve you no purpose. Like your fat, ugly, addicted, worthless, and so on.

What you think about grows. Thinking positive causes you to have more positive thoughts. Thinking negative produces more negativity. Believing in thoughts that serve you no purpose will never allow you to have the opportunity to think about solutions that serve you.

Thinking on purpose = Solutions

Thinking not on purpose= No Solutions

 

-The Goddess